Riding the Adoption Rollercoaster

Yes, we are on it. THE ROLLERCOASTER. The ups and downs of international adoption. A rollercoaster, that is exactly what it feels like. One minute we are at the top with our hands in the air and the next we are screaming as we drop 75 feet to the ground. The past week has been like this for us. Before you read any more of this post, if you have not already, please take the time to read "Our Exciting News" below. It will catch you up on our lives and give you a glimpse in to our hearts.

Last week we received the dreaded call that there may be a problem with our referral (child in adoption language) and the ultimte adoption of this child. We were stunned, more like blindsided. We had purchased airfare, hotel etc and were ready to head to Russia. WHAT???? Was all I could say over and over. And then I cried. Things had been going so well and now this. My wise and wonderful husband's response (nothing like mine) was "nothing in our lives that has mattered to us has come easy and neither will this" and I had to agree. We are not exactly sure what happened but told someone came in the orphanage inquiring about him and signed a petition. Not sure if it is a foster situation, adoption or family but in the end it doesn't matter because it ties him up for adoption by an international family. My heart broke not for us but for this child. I can only hope the best for him and that he does end up with a forever family. We were told he was a risky because of his young age but that went in one ear and out the other. Maybe I should learn to listen more. We were extremely sad and lost.  Lots of emotions.

The  next day our agency found us another child. We did not know what to do. It is so hard to think that one child is your child and then less than 24 hours later switch gears. We prayed and prayed and asked God for guidance. I feel like sometimes in hard situations we ask and ask for God's help but we fail to listen to his response. That night Jeff & I talked about how we had been disappointed about losing this child but it would be unfair not to consider the second child. Maybe he is our child but if we never open this email we will not know. I thought about this poor child sitting in a Russian orphanage. He didn't ask to be born or to live the first year of his life without a mother/father or home. But what I imagine he would ask for was at least a chance. A chance for a better life and a family who would love him. In the end, we decided to open the email and what we found staring back at us was the sweetest little 11 month old boy with brown hair and brown eyes and a big smile on his face. This is when we laughed with joy at this precious child with a huge grin that said "lighten up and come get me"

The following morning as I read my daily devotion it said "Be willing to follow me where ever I lead. Follow me wholeheartedly. Though you don't know what lies ahead, I know and that is enough. Some of my richest blessings are just around the bend: out of sight but nonetheless very real. To receive these gifts, you must walk by faith not by sight" And then I thought, Heather you need to stop and really listen. Listen to what God is telling to you, listen to what is in your heart.

So we have decided to take that leap of faith and go meet this new little boy. We are nervous and more guarded this go around but know this is what God has intended for us to do. We believe as Christians you must trust God completely not just when it is convenient or easy but when things get tough. We are still heading to Moscow on our same trip. Our amazing agency has worked hard to make sure that happens. We want to thank our wonderful family and friends for their support last week. You are incredible.

Hopefully we will look back and say thank goodness we listened.  From now on let's just hope we remain at the top of this rollercoster with our hands up in the air.

With love, Heather